Monthly Archives: April 2012

Top 15 Comedies Ever! (IMO, anyway)

Yeah, I sorta fell off the earth there for a couple of weeks, but I think I’m kinda back now. Knock on wood. And how better to celebrate the return than with the long-delayed rollout of my personal Top 15 Comedies? So here we go….

* 15.  Fantastic Mr. Fox, 2009. I had no real expectations going into this movie and was basically blown away. From  the stop-action animation to the perfection of the voice casting to the utter delight of the story itself… I don’t really see how you could ask for more in a non-live-action comedy. If you haven’t seen this, or skipped it as “a children’s movie,” do yourself a favor and watch it.

* 14. Beetlejuice, 1988. There’s just something about this movie that is absolutely delightfully funny. And kinda gross.  But really really funny. A recently deceased couple brings in a “specialist” (Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice) to run their awful relatives out of their now-abandoned house. Nuttiness ensues. And you’ll never hear “The Banana Boat Song” again without wanting to dance around a table…. or float!

* 13. Tropic Thunder, 2008. Apparently Tropic Thunder  is one of those movies that you love or hate. Some people near to me  really don’t like  it, finding it gross and offensive.  While  I’m usually among the first to take offense, this movie just kills me.  I laugh so hard every time I watch it that I nearly need an oxygen tent.  Everybody in it is hysterically funny, from the people you’d expect like Jack Black, Ben Stiller and Danny McBride, to the much less expected like Tom Cruise and especially Robert Downey Jr. RDJ plays the controversial role of an award-winning white Australian actor playing a black  American soldier in Vietnam, and he absolutely nails it. I could say more, but just go watch the movie.  You’ll  love it unless you hate it. LOL

* 12. Fargo, 1996. In which Frances McDormand became one of my acting heroes as massively pregnant Minnesota sheriff Marge Gunderson. And the always terrific William H. Macy is perfection as the put-upon husband who waffles  about a crime involving his wife. Steve Buscemi is his usual excellent nervous bad guy. It’s a Coen Brothers movie, what can I say?

* 11. Groundhog Day, 1993. One of those rare movies that gets better every time you see it. Bill Murray (in his best work, IMO) is a local weatherman doomed to relive Groundhog Day endlessly until he figures something out. It’s sweet and snarky and hysterically funny, and I love  it.

* 10. Toy Story. Here’s my one big cheat: I’m making Toy Story 1, 2 and 3 a single entry, because I don’t see how anyone could possibly rate one over the others. These movies are pure genius from start to finish, and if you don’t laugh until you cry… and then cry until you can’t see … you basically don’t have a heart. And should  maybe get that checked out.

* 9. Tootsie, 1982. Yeah, it’s aged a bit. And the idea of a man in drag maybe isn’t as funny as it once was. But this is still a terrific piece of comedy with an outstanding cast from top to bottom. I laughed so hard at it in 1982 that I nearly ruptured myself. 😀 Maybe it’s  not quite as funny now, but it’s still sweet and a wonderful piece of ensemble comedy acting.  “I’m just afraid you’re going to burn in hell for all this.” “You WERE A TOMATO! A tomato doesn’t have logic!” “… I was a better man with you, as a woman, … than I ever was with a woman, as a man.”  God bless you, Dustin Hoffman.

* 8. Some Like It Hot, 1959. Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis, on the run from the mob, dress in drag and join an all-female band going on the road. With Marilyn Monroe. Hilarity ensues, but some of the best involves Jack Lemmon’s female and male characters and eccentric millionaire Osgood Fielding III. Which leads to one of the best conversations ever…

Jerry: Oh no you don’t! Osgood, I’m gonna level with you. We can’t get married at all.
Osgood: Why not?
Jerry: Well, in the first place, I’m not a natural blonde.
Osgood: Doesn’t matter.
Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
Osgood: I don’t care.
Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I’ve been living with a saxophone player.
Osgood: I forgive you.
Jerry: [tragically] I can never have children!
Osgood: We can adopt some.
Jerry: But you don’t understand, Osgood! Ohh…  [Jerry finally gives up and pulls off his wig]
Jerry: [normal voice] I’m a man!
Osgood: [shrugs] Well, nobody’s perfect!

* 7. The Birdcage, 1996. Robin Williams and Nathan Lane as a gay nightclub owner and his diva partner who agree to pretend to be straight for a long weekend so that their adult son can bring home his fiancee and her uber-conservative parents for a visit. Hank Azaria steals large chunks of the show as the gay couple’s Guatemalan houseboy. Based roughly on the French “La Cage aux Folles.” Ultimately, it’s a movie about family and love, and I can watch it over and over. “I pierced the toast!!”

* 6. Zoolander, 2001. Another  guilty pleasure, but this movie and it’s dumb-bunny fashionistas just slays me. I laugh so hard at the “walk off” that it actually hurts. “I’m pretty sure there’s more to life than being really,  really ridiculously good-looking…” “So join now, ’cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there’s more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?” And who could forget, “BLUE STEEL!”

* 5. Galaxy Quest, 1999. Imdb decribes it as “The alumni cast of a cult TV show have to play their roles as the real thing when an alien race needs their help.” But y’know, that just doesn’t begin to cover the awesome crazy nutty perfection of this movie. Anybody who’s ever been a fan, or been to a con, or loved something science-fictional with a love that defies explanation adores this movies. Most of us, anyway. From Tim Allen’s drunken captain to Sigourney Weaver as the (of course) communications officer in a mini-dress who can’t do anything else, to Tony Shalhoub’s slow but genius engineer to (especially) Alan Rickman as the generic facial prosthetic alien science officer, every single cast member is perfect. The adventures are funny and rollicking and just nutty enough… And there’s heart, big unexpected heart. “By Grabthar’s hammer… you shall be …. avenged!”

* 4. The Big Lebowski, 1998. I’m not sure it’s possible to give a pocket capsule of this masterpiece’s plot.  Suffice it to say that a case of mistaken identity results in the spoilage of a rug that really tied the room together. And it goes on from there. Jeff Bridges is masterful as The Dude, and his bowling buddies John Goodman and Steve Buscemi are  horrendously perfect. Add Phillip Seymour Hoffman as a flunky-like flunky and John Turturro in possibly the best  tiny part ever in a movie, as the rabid bowler Jesus (“Nobody fucks  with the Jesus.” and you’ve got a big old steaming pile of awesome. “Careful, man! There’s a beverage here!”

* 3. Ghostbusters,  1984. The one, the only, the original… often copied, never duplicated. Jeez, but I love this movie. The classic trio of Bill Murray, Dan Ackroyd and Harold  Ramis take on the ghosts of New York, including one very irritated demi-god named Zuul, and the end of the world turns out to include a really really big Marshmallow Man. The classic lines are endless. “I’ve been slimed.” “There is no Dana,  there is only Zuul.” “That’s a big Twinkie.” “This chick is TOAST!” “Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!” “Sorry…  I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.” “We came, we saw,  we kicked its ass!” And of course, the ever-important, “Don’t cross the streams!”

* 2. Raising Arizona, 1987. Seems the higher up the list I go, the more I hit things that are either loved or hated.  This was my very favorite comedy for many years. Nicholas Cage (never one of my favorites) and Holly Hunter (always a favorite) are a sad-sack, down-on-their-luck couple who can’t have a baby. Then a local bazillionaire’s wife has quints and a wonderful, terrible plan is concocted. With five babies, they surely won’t miss one. And so begins the nutty, quasi-apocalyptic adventure of “Raising Arizona.” Another one from the Coen Brothers (I’m seeing a trend.) Another one with great lines: “Turn to the right…. turn to the left…” “You’re young and you got your health. What you want with a job?” “Sometimes it’s a hard world for small things.” “Son, you got a panty on your head.” “Edwina’s insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.” “Now get up there and get me a toddler!”

* 1. Airplane, 1980. Everyone on the plane is sick except the one passenger who is afraid to fly. Mwahahahahahaha!

C’mon, do I really have to say anything? This is possibly the funniest 90 minutes in history, and it’s still funny 32 years later. If this movie doesn’t make you laugh, something is seriously wrong with your tickle box.  ;D

“Stewardess, I speak jive.”

“And Leon is getting laaaarrrrggggeeeeerrrrr!”

“Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”

“Joey, have you ever been in a … Turkish prison?”

“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking. (smoking… sniffing glue… amphetamines)”

“I am serious…  and don’t call me Shirley.”

“This? Why I can make a hat, or a brooch, or a pterodactyl…”

And now I’ve had enough second-hand giggles to hold me for a day or two. Hope you’ve enjoyed this. And share some of your favorite comedies in comments! Agree, disagree, open up new things I haven’t considered. And thanks for hanging around here, at least for a while.

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Three Things Americans Don’t Understand

1. We completely undervalue the U.S. Postal  Service. As one of the oldest public institutions in this country (along with public libraries), the Postal Service has provided regular, reliable, convenient, and inexpensive delivery of mail without interruption. Now it struggles with layoffs and budgets cutbacks, and nobody seems to care. 

But how will it be when we have to drive 45 minutes to the nearest post office? How will it be when the mail isn’t reliable, when it might come or it might not, when it might keep your mail safe or it might throw it away?

I’ll tell you one thing that will feel real pain if we manage to let the mail service fail: Small businesses. My artist daughter currently spends $2 to ship her work to buyers using the USPS. The one time I buyer requested one of the big “express” mails, the same size box cost $12 to ship.

Save small  businesses: Save the USPS.

2. Bigger is not always better.

Mass production and “economies of scale” have come close to destroying the individual artisan in this nation. And under the artisan umbrella, I include farmers. If it costs me more to grow fresh vegetables in my backyard than it does to buy them from  the local megamart,  where they probably came from California or Chile or Costa Rica or Mexico, how can a local farmers’ market compete?

Sure, locally grown is fresher, probably less poisonous, likely more nutritious, but the farmer has to make a little money from  the sale of it, or she won’t be able to plant again next year. Meanwhile, “economies of scale” make it cheaper to grow, insecticide, pesticide, fungicide, grade, crate, label and ship the same vegetables from some massive amoebafarm halfway around the world.

If we care, we really need to buy local  whenever possible.  Even if it costs a dime or two more.

3. Americans have no clue that water is not forever.

Water is a non-renewable resource. Many parts of the world are already struggling with water shortages ranging from minor nuisance to disastrous. Yet here we are, merrily going along with our half-hour showers every day, our faucets left running in the sink, washing a load of clothes every day when nobody can remember the last time most of our clothing was actually dirty, our throwaway bottles (sometimes only half-empty) of water, our cars that must be washed once a week.

And my very very favorite, lawn sprinkling.  I lived for a while in  California and hated that the neighborhood association required lawn sprinkling. So what if the grass would go brown and die if you didn’t sprinkle it? Didn’t that tell you something?

But it drives me the worst crazy here in Missississippi.  In order to get our grass as brown as California, we’d have to set it on fire. That’s if we could get it to burn. Mississippi grass is hardy and green and tough as a week-old biscuit, and it needs watering like I need more candy in my diet.

Which is to say, um, not much.

One day I saw what,  to me, was the ultimate show of water arrogance here in our fine state. It was raining. A nice,  soft, gentle rain, the kind that makes things grow like wildfire around here. And in the pampered crop fields of someone I won’t name, the irrigation system was just chugging away, spraying precious non-renewable groundwater up into the water falling naturally from the sky.

Sometimes  I despair.

* Support the USPS.

* Support local  farmers and small businesses.

* Start saving water,  before it’s too late.  I don’t like  to think  about my grandchildren having to walk miles every day just to get a single bucket of water  for a family’s use.  It’s happening now in some parts of our world.

It can happen here.

NOW is the time to take action,  not when it’s too late.

End of rant. For now.

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