Pre-2000

under the cloud, 1999

this is how it is
thin gray landscape gray light gray nothing mist
thoughts like sheets of ash
razor edges
burrs
tossed by invisible untouchable unfeelable wind

thoughts that terrify cut slice hurt

thoughts that won’t go away hang on run around and around repeating
repeat thoughts that
repeat
thoughts like cockleburrs bread dough glue resin
sticky thoughts that stick to themselves and get hung in endless loops
endless loops endless loops endless

thoughts that fall apart break shatter melt
ashen thoughts pale fragile lacy thoughts that might be beautiful
but melt fade crumble shatter die
leaving longing
aching need for something beautiful that doesn’t slip away

this is how it is in the gray world where all candles are short ones

from an energy flare short
god
suddenly I realize where I am
what I’m thinking
what I’m doing
that I’m gone gone gone buried adrift fading like those ashen sheets into the gray
and the candle sputters gutters flares dies
into the gray world of nothing

gray world without end
this is how it is
inside

Timetripping, 1978

Covered by the star-sprinkled twilight of Titania’s veil,
I live on a diet of dew-pearled spider webs
and butterfly wings.
Tomorrow is an empty mirror reflecting
the choices of today
And yesterday is the sole recourse of sanity.
Reaching farther back and farther yet to the time
before the beginning –
To the time of the cataclysmic end,
Where yesterday meets tomorrow in a tangle of
eternal now –
And there abide in the vortex of forever,
Dancing with gossamer wings on an endless pattern
in the web of time,
Entangled in the star-sprinkled twilight of
Titania’s universal veil.

Second Sunrise, early 1980s

Second sunrise, still alone.
Lying looking at the phone;
thinking only of the love that we had.

Second breakfast, second bed.
All the loving words we said;
never dreaming it would ever hurt so bad.

Second sunrise, second dawn,
feeling lonely and alone,
lost in memories.
Only you could touch my mind.

Empty sunrise, lonesome dawn,
and tomorrow I’ll be gone,
looking always for that love I’ll never find.
(These are song lyrics. I composed a tune as well, but it’s pretty lame.)

Alien Night, 1987

In the alien night
We lie afraid,
Alone together
In our state of disgrace.
We cannot face
The lie together.

The stars are too cold, too far, too dim,
Beyond casual comprehension.
This brassy sun is low and brazen,
Casting shadows harsh and hateful,
Burning, always burning.

Gone are the days of gentle rule,
Still, quiet, silken veil of moonlight,
Soft embracing sheen of silver,
Justice quick and hard as steel,
Shining, always shining.

Too much light breeds too great confusion.
Truth is expected, and fairness, and mercy.
All should be equal, all should be possible,
All sides considered endlessly, endlessly,
Arguing, always arguing.

No more do the gods walk among us.
Disgust springs, bitter weeds, at the fruit of their labor.
All gods are become one.
All men have become one.
Whining, always whining.

A Lock With No Key, 1980s

A brush of exotic, you came to my life
A portrait of elegant grace
That courtly gentility picked all my locks
Armor vanished without any trace.

From footlights to spotlights, I’ve known how to glow
How to sparkle, to reflect any tone
But until your warm presence put false lights to shame
I’d never known light of my own.

Now I need your heart touching my heart again
I need you to shine over me
Without your deft fingers, oh thief of my heart
I’m a lock without any key.

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